BDSM

A Realistic Introduction

There are so many of us.  So many of us are out there are wondering, sometimes fearing, what it is inside of us that drives our sexual desires.  You are not alone, and thousands of people share your same thoughts. That’s why all of us are here.

Some call it BDSM, M/s, D/s, and S&M.  Bondage-SadoMasochism, Master/slave, Dominant/submissive, and Sadomasochism.  For this article, I will be referring to this particular set of lifestyles as “kink”, considering that a wide variety of these practices are included within this term and one does not have to enjoy inflicting or receiving pain to enjoy the large sexual spectrum.  So what is “kink”? Kink is defined as “fetish(es) seen as abnormal to the public.” Let’s examine what that means.

The dividing line between kinky sex and “vanilla” sex can sometimes be ambiguous.  It’s my opinion that it’s a personal definition of kink that gives it meaning for you.  If you enjoy erotic play that involves anything such as bondage, pain, toys, or domination/submission, you could fall under the category of a “kinky” person, as this makes up the majority of lifestylers.

Within Albuquerque itself (and many other places), there is an entire community and culture dedicated to people with “abnormal” fetishes.  But are they really abnormal? Statistics say no, but we’ll delve into that in a minute.

Like all communities, the kink community is diverse.  We have the “in crowds” and “outcasts”, stars and peasants, leaders and followers.  People make both friends and enemies. People learn, gossip, flirt, build, invent, celebrate, and mourn.  Events can run from a few dozen to over a thousand participants. BDSM is the riskiest form of sex and there is no such thing as “risk free”.  Abuse exists anywhere in humanity, even within kink. Tens of millions of people are experimenting with risky situations with little to no basic instruction in its techniques and safety measures.  However, being involved in your local community could be of great benefit and reduce the risk of miseducation and abuse. A lot of kinksters have been practicing for over a decade or longer.  Yet, even they sometimes learn from their newer counterparts. The community is regarded mostly as a learning platform, and I’ve even heard kinksters dubbed “consent experts” by sex educators and feminist blogs.  Why is that?  Because kinksters are constantly learning and teaching about consent.  Nobody is an “expert” in BDSM, and no one is a “true” anything, but you will meet some exceptional and knowledgeable people.

The comradery and acceptance that you will find within this community may very well become the most rewarding experience.  What is truly important is that you find this information useful and gain something significant from other lifestylers.  Kink is such a large part of many people’s lives and they find relationships, friendships, and events that validate who they are and help them to learn more about themselves and practice in a healthy and informed way.

Most kinksters, when involved in a community or subgroup, practice BDSM in a safe, legal, and consensual manner in order for the participants to experience erotic arousal and personal growth.  How does that happen? How can someone possibly grow as a person and expand their life through sex and erotica?

For some of us, it’s not just a curiosity – it’s a need.  Kinksters can typically be subdivided into “self-motivated” people, who desire to practice, and “other-motivated” people, who are introduced to the idea and feel satisfied by fulfilling their partner’s “self-motivated” fantasies.  Neither is superior, but both are special in their own respects and both are here to expand themselves. You can learn from yourself and your partner(s) to build progressive and trusting relationships. You can better yourself in ways you may not have even considered, and not all of us are here to hook up and have sex.  Some of us just want to relate to others who “get it” and some events aren’t sexual in nature at all.

There are many of us out there.  As far as numbers go, according to the Kinsey study of 1953, just 11% of the American population was interested or active in the practice of BDSM.  Other sources link it anywhere from 2-69%! That’s a lot of variation and it doesn’t give us an accurate depiction. What we do know, though, is that the population most interested in BDSM was – you guessed it – Americans.  Since BDSM and kink in general are still (unrightfully) taboo, there aren’t any real resources to gauge an accurate percentage. Though there aren’t many sources out there, one recent study in New Mexico found up to 5,000 of us in the early 2000s, and that’s just those of us who participated in said study.

We are not deranged, cruel, or otherwise.  We are merely explorative.

People don’t repeat behavior that is not rewarding, in most cases.  This lifestyle is highly rewarding for many, and the nature and degree of that reward seems more than what one would get when arriving from any other angle.  Why do we keep doing it? Because it feels good, the trust is immense, and… it’s worth it.

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